He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
