so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
