Soap is not a condiment
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
