Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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