I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
