Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
