when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
