what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you win again, gameday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
