she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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