he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
