Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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