I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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