I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
