okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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