it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Randomize
