We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
