Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
