I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
