no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
