Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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