we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
