just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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