TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
