Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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