my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
