i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
