how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
