i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
