i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ketchup is God's man juice
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
