What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
the liver wants what the liver wants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
