Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
