just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
