so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
