I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love black thongs
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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