is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
