fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
