Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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