eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
