You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
