Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
