hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
