Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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