that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
