So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
