6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
