I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
