Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
