I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
