please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
