the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
